+ Just a step away from paradise

yeah, another template with a lily on it

oh heavens, can i be anymore Abnormal. i think i'm wierd. i just spent the entire evening talking to myself =x. no wait. u guys didn't need to know that =x

*runs and hides in blanket

i need help.

just curious, are people actually 100% nice i.e. usually nice, and are only nasty to certain people, and therefore certified as nasty to them? i mean, we all have negative impressions of people, but that's cos they either are nasty to us, or behave in ways we personally cannot tolerate. In taht case, does that mean that these people, the ones we think are horrible, are actually nice people who are nasty when they want to be ( like most normal people) or actually nasty people and nice when they want to be?

hey guys i lost my phone, those who need my number, buzz me online ok?

AHHHHHHH. i went crazy at borders! i bought 2 books and the little mermaid dvd. LALALALA I feel like a pauper now. but i am a HAPPY pauper.

Salman rushdie + satire = good good post exam read.

OH OH OH. and i have to finish angela carter. i'm happily fed on books for the holidays. YAY!

i am invisible, and wet =x on my way in 2 cars splashed on me. wth, i never got splashed after sec school la. don't get me wrong, i like splashing in monsoon puddles but when i'm umbrella-less and wellington-less it doesn't work as well. and i don;t want to be soaked in dirty tyre-water either. yeesh. so now i sit here a little bit cold and waitng for the heater and hoping i dont' catch my death of cold =x

on another ntoe, my totally whacked out mental clock has started playing already, in the middle of exams =x which also means that whilst my absorption rate goes up, attn span goes down =_= wth, so i hope that even if i'm playing its not so bad cos i am guai and i do finish ym work. mmmm

i want to be free i want to be free i want to be FREE

OH OH OH! and i FINALLY bought my new bikini *beams* ooooh yeahhhh~!

and sometimes i wish i don't notice these things. remember that u have to understand, remember remember remember. Don't make too much and don't think too much. just pretend u didn't notice. There's always a good reason behind it. yeah. there always is.

Labels: rantings

When i read hedda gabler, sometimes i empathise with her, at other times i berate her for being so hopelessly selfish. But i can't deny that i am as much as she is, selfish in my own right. This constant desire to fulfil myself, to get what i want, to have what i want - is that not a selfish desire too? sometimes i wish that i had better patience with life, but i think that's the reason why some days pass so dastardly slow, why life does all these strange silly things to me to make me feel worse about a situation or strangely unfulfilled. Never being satisfied is quite a sad thing, but perhaps its human nature to want more all the time.

i think i lost that ability to be simply contented. When i got introduced to desire i took her by the hand and she taught me too much, my heart would never ever listen to the simplicity that danced itself out upon her appearance, ever ever again.

then again, if i can do more to make myself happy, why won't i? after all, that's the whole reason why i was given the lucky choice to plan my own life and make my own choices. Maybe i shld stop caring so much about the rest of the world and do what i like. Why bother making anyone else happy. But at the same time, i realise i can't - because i find joy in giving to others too.

so as you can see, i've reached some sort of mid-life crisis. I stand at a lot of crossroads, but i doubt you guys can understand what i mean. guess its just a crisis of self-development.

and i think freud is a SICK sick man. Snow white did not want to have sex with her father and therefore ran away from her stepmother. WTH. don't ruin my fairy tales THIS way please.

yuck

as if i don't hear enough about the electra complex already being played out under my nose in this very household. i think its SICK

Labels: desires, rantings, ravings

Okay, exams are here and i shall learnt from WL and "just whack! " i suppose i will survive (: oh well.

tried going bikini shopping on thurs, which failed due to a lack of stamina and choice. its not bikini season now i suppose, so there's a horrid lack fo variety to choose from. bah. oh well.

There are many things i shall keep mum of for now, and i think i want to try to sit things through without ridiculous expectations and all sorts of other things that carry potentially destructive tendencies. I feel very humbled now, but i think i also wish for more than what i have because i feel that i've been deprived for so long, sometimes you wish life would make it up to you proper. but it never does, as do many other people and situations that promise u this, so why cling on to that hope that one day things will turn up all the better for u and you'll get to hold a sunbeam in ur hand for a while. Its impossible, so just be thankful for what u have and be grateful taht life won't get worse.

On the bright side, i'm due for a duel soon. ON GUARD! *brandishes sword* buahaha.

ooooh, and i want to catch happy feet too. CUTE PENGUINS! po luo bao will u go with me to gush over them? *squeals jumps bounces* penguins that tap dance are damn CUTE la.

I need to study now. i know this is a highly jumbled entry, so too bad for everyone, don't bother deciphering unless u think u can.

take care y'all. I'll meet my death happy as a lark tmr (:

I hate underperforming for stupid reasons. it makes me feel like i screwed up because i wore one red slipper and one blue slipper or smthg

just, totally, retarded.

HELLO everybody!

Season of giving again! and school's finally out and finals are coming and i have a long list of "I want to do-s" so yay! ^^V but still, its GREAT (: project work is finally over and i can take a break from some horrid person and never ever see him again!

Project work was an eye opener, school was an eye opener. i guess that about wraps up my first semester. Getting used to it too. Mmmmm.

And i think the M and M house outside shaw is damn CUTE (: i like the red stuffy toy!!!! *beams*

[edit]

sometimes when you think about something, and think of the series of hurts and pains suffered on both sides during a war, i wonder why it had to happen. It always looks like the other party is the one who attacked for no reason, unprovoked, to hurt and victimise you. Sometimes you aren't conscious, other times you are the one that wields the knife. So who is the victim and who is the attacker? we both feel victimised, is it circumstance or is it self-delusion? i always thought i was the one who was unprovoked and hit. Maybe, just maybe, you noticed too much and thought too much, and i was guilty, just guilty, of not doing enough to make u understand that i loved you, and i still do. I just think that the price to pay to continue to do so is too high, too much, that i chose not to. And you cannot deny that you inflicted more than me, so if it has to come to this, that you'll hate me forever, then so be it. I think its not my fault anymore, not in my control, and i no longer want, to be who i was when i grew up with you those many many years.

no more, no more
just let me be.
Let me have some quiet
please

Yeow yeow sang me this song today. It always makes me smile when i'm sad, dunno why. Maybe because its damn sweet, but maybe its also because its very reassuring, especially when ur feeling hurt and nursing and alone.

Adam Sandler - Grow old with you

I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All I wanna do is grow old with you.

I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches
build you a fire if the furnace breaks
Oh it could be so nice, growin old with you.

I'll miss you, kiss you, give you my coat when you are cold.
Need you, feed you, I'll even let you hold the remote control.

So let me do the dishes in the kitchen sink
Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink.
Oh I could be the man to grow old with you.
I wanna grow old with you.

Random notes about today,

1)I feel more energetic
2) i faced some form of enlightenment vis-a-vis Lit
3) i feel like i worked my ass offf today
4) i feel happy and tired at the same time
5) LALALLALAL. yeah.

that was how my day went.

and i feel fulfilled(:

i have wierd reactions to too little sleep/too much sleep : seems the lesser i get, the more awake i feel =x

*ahem* charted out

> 10 hrs - Will be moderately awake, but bioclock shuts down after 12 hours
7-9 hours - Will be adequetely awake, biolock can last till brain center screams STOP
7-5 hours- EXCEPTIONALLY ZOMBIFIED, completely unable of engaging in physical activity. Naps are usually total KNOCKOUTS
<5 hours - EXCEPTIONALLY AWAKE, ALERT, and willing to study.

Am i wierd, or am i WIERD?

Sometimes i really love people-watching

Its a nice thing to do on bus rides, or train rides, or any kind of ride, or any place, a random coffee shop, on the beach. When i'm alone i look around and see all these different different people who are all crammed together in a tiny box or compartment, and have nothing whatsoever to do with each other, and yet at most are 6 degrees apart. Sometimes i wonder what it's like to live in the shoes of a random people - to see waht they see, feel what they feel, look at life from their perspective. Sometimes i'd like to turn to the person next to me and ask him/her what they'd think of life, or whether or not shortbread is nice to eat. Just random questions that tell me a little more about you, or why do u fold ur shirtsleeve in such and such a way, or why do you carry a bag with a cat on it. But no one would tell me anymore than one line and look at me with strange eyes. An invasion of privacy i suppose, in the strangest way by a curious stranger. I suppose anyone would feel violated.

But that hasn't stopped me, from wanting to know about that other person on the train, old loving couples that smile secretly and hold hands - waht is their story? what troubles and obstacles existed on the path to this sweet end? i longed so much to just peek into their lives for a second, but of course, propriety kept my mouth shut and reason told me not to be too curious.

But is it too much to just want to know more about you, who just sat next to me on the train? or you, who just walked past me on the road today?

Tell me please, what is your story?