in my secret place.
I'm only a little lost kitten.
why then hit me so hard with each blow?
~* leave me be, let me hide, hide from the throes of this stormy night.
hiding crash mmmm... waaaah?!? stop Mmmm-hmmmh... blah there chocolate ecstasy bleargh Things You Would Never Know Without Indian Movies 1. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beatings but will wince when a woman tries to cleanse his wounds. Things You Would Never Know Without Chinese Movies Sword-Fighting Serials 1. Being the hero's parents is always unlucky and they will usually be killed by enemies when the hero is young and the hero will become an orphan. intriguiged clarity break away amazed clouds journey irritable II irritable annoyed weaving melody withdrawal first love easy wavering set pendulum
on another note, i'm extremely happy for you too!!! *hugz and waves pom poms* at least u got a second shot at university, through teaching... even though my despair over ur grammatically incorrect english leaves me wondering how in the world u will ever be an english teacher. seriously. but. i'm still happy for u. Ganbatte ne! This round, work at things k? don't repeat ur mistakes *grin*, Supporting u all the way!!!!
oh. you guys should see the glass jigsaw pieces in the Esplanade. They are BEAUTIFUL. seriously. i love the twinkly effect as the glass pieces gently sway and spin down the ceiling. Breathaking. really.
sometimes i just wonder how things in life work. Is there really a destiny that is meant for u, because things are out of ur control? its amusing really, how things are out ofur control. Is there reallly a meant destiny for people? or is everything really just a series of action reactions. what sets of one event before the other? what allows that event to occur to begin with?
fate. destiny. divine intervention. Do these really exist?
~* swirls of colour whizz before my eyes
i told myself it would be impossible to have our cake adn eat it, since yeah, well, its just not possible in this forsaken planet.
i told myself never to expose myself to hurt again, no matter how often those words ring in my head
i told me never to build myself up for a let down
i told myself that very night i wouldn't mourn the loss of a friend no longer.
yet, somehow, it still stings.
it stings to feel all those empty spaces
it stings to know things that i would rather not see nor hear nor want to know
it stings to feel left behind.
it just bloody does.
stop this, somebody, please. just press the pause button, i'd do anything.
Just let me get out of this, let me get out of here.
hide me in my secret place, let me feel protected and safe once more.
please?
~* some days were just never meant to be lived through.
i think i'm getting excessively piggish, going to macs ^^;; but still. WE'll see. getting broke soon, and *ahem* my allowance is due.
On another note, i got to know a lot more things regarding bubble analogy yesterday. Which disturbs me, even though i still am second-guessing what was told to me. Sigh. Should i even believe things to be as such. If it is true, then i think i've pretty much created my interactive barriers. Nonetheless, it still saddens me a lot when i think about it. somehow there's this big sore in my heart ( wherever that's supposed to be) that dully and consistently pangs whenever the issue crosses my mind. I know pple tell me don't think about it, but i can't help it! really. Interaction just registers it even more. Sigh. I want an ice cream. And i want it. NOW, (not like i can have it. Bloody cafe has everything EXCEPT the most important portion of the menu - DESSERT. pfffbt.... I cant believe how deprived i am here. Trapped in a world without ice cream! That is like, aargh, the worst thing that could happen when i'm depressed.T-T Good news is harbourfront is nearby, so access isn't completely denied but delayed.=) Then there's the issue of money ='( which plagues me who has no habit of carrying more cash with me to prevent impulse splurging on an item called food (not normal, i know. but who cares?)... hmmm.. at this point fondant at taka wouldn't be too bad too.
i haven't told u guys about it have i? this mouthwatering delicacy of chocolate cake filled with woiarm hot chocolate in the middle that oozes out deliciously over your tongue and taints your mouth with rich smoooth chocolate. MMMMMmmmmm... and finally soidfied with a biscuit base that crunches happily when u partake of it. Aarrrghh... i'm a pig i know. but its so delicious, its irresistable. but orchard is so far awayyyyyyyy T-T can't get there in like 45 mins and back for trng. grahhhhh... still.
i agree with Xuannie. One day i'm so gonna ballooon...
But its not my fault that all things yummy tend to be fattening and excessively unhealthy T-T why oh why does the world function as such. it would be much better if all things yummy weren't fattening and unhealthy, tehn i can gorge adn still stay erm, less fat. .
i totally need to start running again. Just start running. and not stopping.So i don't get like fat. not that i ain't.
EXERCISE.... ok ok. shall chant that for the rest of the day.
i just realised i totally and completely sound like a bimbo in this entry. someone has to save me from the intellectual regression i seem to be suffering from right now.
oh.but i learnt one thing from GP the other day. Woe betide me from whom a river of crap flows that others digest. you someitmes feel guilty for sounding like you know what ur talking about, even when you don't ^^;;
anyhoots, Pscho-ing into health freak mode beginnnnsss... Noooooowwwwwwwwwwww....
~* the delicious harms of food sometimes amaze me
Not that i don't agree with the principle of using things within my limits. That's perfectly justifiable since i'm not the one paying for my phone bill. but aaarghhhh.... i feeel so darn deprived. seriously.
on another note, i'd like to admit that the feeling of being loved (not just romanticaly but also platonically) is rather nice and fuzzy when i allow things to get throguh to me^^, which makes me feel happier about un-detaching myself from the world ^^. Even though i still second guess people's intentions. Horrid habit, cos it undermines a lot of goodwill and all. But yeah. STill do. Which is thus the manifestation of the cynical me i guess. and retention of the need to self-protect.
Not taht i really care ^^. nowadays tis better to just get along with everybody. Things get along better. Just its that when u get along with everyone, sometimes you lose that closeness you have with people due to a reduced capacity to actually get close to someone, and the issue of time and all that i guess.
On another random thought, why do people call encounters with alien encounterrs with the thiird kind? what then is the first and second kind? =S retarded questions, but much appreciated if answered. Take it as a dropping of pearls of wisdom for an ignoramus like me... yessss??
~* buildings wobble up and away then float back gently to the ground
i guess all i'd rather do is just sit with you and help you get through things. be there for u when u need me. Just a little sister that u never had.
i can't do anything more, but whatever it is, at least you should know, that more than you alone hope for the blooming of your flower
and i sincerely hope that when yours blooms, it would be one that would mesmerise you for all eternity
waiting is hard, i know, but wait with the belief that she cares. Ok?
if u need anything, i'm just 8 numbers away, and i needn't remind u that i cna interpret a woman's psychology. Because i'm not a duck.
take care u^^
(in case ur wondering, yes, this goes out to u. u who accuses me of all my ambiguities. )
slowly, you dip the ice cream block in, then u roll it in nuts. you bite.
A small, soft crunch echoes gently, like the gentle crunch of autmun leaves beneath your feet when you walk in the park.
slowly the taste unfolds, flutters across your tongue like the ever gentle summer breezes, before it thickens, where the smooth chocolate swirls around your tongue and ensnares your sense of taste, coating everything with a soft gentle bliss cascading into joyous passion that overrides everything else for that tiny moment. The remnants of the explosion leave you wanting of more.
and so, you reach for a piece of fruit, and indulge once more in those minute spurts of ecstasy that you could never bottle up and enjoy later on, as tangy scents and sweet chocolate blend to form a unique concoction that literally leaves you floating up in the sky, before gently settling you into the ground again.
mmmmmm.... chocolate is oh-so-satisfying.
i just spent a whole hour stuck in the toilet puking my guts out. and i don't think i have a stomach left
Was supposed to tell u my condition, but since i had to go online and fiddle with miss k's rubbish, i figured to leave the note here instead
i don't think i want to eat wierd rubbish again. ever (i think i got a bit car sick too)
bleargh.
seriously pple, please, love your stomachs and don't put wierd things into it. i recognise digestion as a new miracle, so yep, please please please love ur stomachs. eat proper things.
I never knew how wonderful it was to have a body functioning properly.
seriously.
Anyhoots, he said that a love that is based on friendship and not lust or lonliness ultimtely will be th best kind to have, and the most long lasting.Which i feel is true, since yeah, half the time we fall for pple we don't really know much about yet, and when that point comes, what u see isn't what u get, things go awry. ANd like, since in long term romance is about companionship, you know ur with someone who can supply that companionship and keep u happy and u don't have to worry too much about who you are with that person. Which is quite true,since if u have toworry abt who u r with someone, u eventually make urself unhappy cos u realise that there's so much ur unsatisfied with.
right. aside from my wierd philosophy this week has been pretty interesting. Found like 3 reasons why being short is good
1) i look young(and u know how handy that will be when ur approaching 40 andin denial about ur age)
2) i get to get out of a hell lot of heavy load carrying, cos pple think ur frail and weak until they see u do ur NAPFA
3) you actly get a nice view of things when u need to, cos pple move when u jump to much and express slight grunts of irritation when u can't see things, which is very very good
oh, stole this frm Luke's blog, cos it was super super amusing.
2. The hero cannot fall in love with the heroine (vice versa)unless they first perform a dance number in the rain.
3. Once applied, make-up is permanent, in rain or in any other situation.
4. Two lovers can be dancing in the field and suddenly, 100 people will appear from God-knows-where and join them in the dance.
5. In the final scene, the hero will discover that the bad guy whom he was up against was actually his brother and the maid who looked after him was his mother and the chief inspector was his father and the Judge was his uncle and so forth.
6. Key English words used in the movie (usually said out loud between sentences) are "No Problem!", "My God!", "Get out!", "Shut-up!", "Impossible!", "Please forgive me!".
7. They drop down to the ground and roll and roll while singing and leap to their feet in different clothings.
8. They can run around the coconut trees, singing, batting eyelids and throwing glances at each other and change clothes all at the same time without getting out of breath.
2. When a man is wounded and dying, he always manages to catch his breath and speak a few sentences to reveal the killer before dropping his head and being declared dead.
3. Skilled people are able to fly over roof tops, up trees and across distances without any sweat. But when travelling to towns and villages, they still have to walk or ride horses.
4. The heroes need not have to work for money, but will always have gold and silver with them to pay for their food dishes.
5. The heroes and villains will meet each other very often no matter how big the country is and no matter where they are.
6. Healing internal wounds in the body is as easy as sitting down cross-legged, palms on the knees and smoke coming out from the head.
7. They can keep alot of stuff in their sleeves and waistbands and never drop them. Especially a lot of gold & silver ingots.
lolx. been thinking abt what u said last nite, about ambiguities with regards to my anxieties, and i do agree that it is true that i am sufficiently ambigious, and vague. Perhaps it would make things easier for the people around me if i just spelt things out, but ah wellx. depends on the situation lar.l usually pple know what i tell em abt cos i've discussed it before. otherwise its just my wierd ponderings for a moment. So yep^^:: sorry if i made u feel guilty conscious. gomen*bows*
ok. that done, on another note, reflecting on what kor said to me yest. its true that i shldn't let myslef get so affected by public opinion and acceptance when i know i have a bunch of close firends that i can count on. its more a sense of belonging that i seems ot have lost for a while- like a place i can go to and know i don't have to worry about backstabbing and bad mouthing adn all tat. i thought i found it for a while last year, but somehw i guess it got lost after the cca thing went down. sigh. nonetheless, i know i have my pals to count on, and i'm grateful for that.
Love you, every single one of you ^^
oh yeah. and i refuse to admit that i'm a rib of dust>.<. Dont' care!
btw. SA seems to have an increment in wildlife. now we have acockatoo adn a erm blue and white kingfisher to add to the numbers we've seen. not to mention the kiwi-ish bird that got carted off to the bird park.
hmmm... wonder what adri would have to say abt this^^;; she knows more at the wildlife than i do^^
~* twiddle dum twiddle dee twiddle doo twiddle dah...
more so, for those who have been questioning who's my new 'fatal attraction'(?) its actly what i wrote in erm, think early ealry J1, so yeah. non-applicable anymore. (so yep. don't have to answer anymore msges regarding that ^^;; )
ok. hosekeeping done. just got some isses to throw out and pop hopefully in the air. Was looking at some bubbles on my way home the other day, and it was so... disturbingly amusing to see them just lift off, wobble around and hover for a few moments before they disappear with barely a 'pop'.
Its a lot like people i guess, acquaintences u meet in life. Some pple are like those incredibly amzing unpoppable bubbles, they stay there forever, following u for the rest ur life, and ur perfectly happy to stay with them. others.... they hover for a pretty long while, then they pop too. Some don't even make it past a few seconds before they fade away, relatively insignificant, often not even remembered.
i don't know... my analogy is pretty wierd, but yeah, point being, i think one of these longer bubbles is starting to fade, and right now, i feel lost. sort of left behind. Because this bubble does mean a lot to me, but i guess, going near it will prolly pop it faster. But somehow, sinking feeling within me tells me that this bubble perhaps never even appeared to exist to begin with.
oh. and i saw this nice quote the other day.
'happiness is like a bunch of balloons floating up into the bright blue sky'
nice imagery. pity though. i'm scared to death of balloons. Esp when they suddenly burst behind ur back and make u jump in fright.
yeesh.
~* simple colours that brighten up the day
how an amazingly long length of time can be contained in just one word - 'eternity', 'forever'
how an incredibly complex bouyant emotion can be placed with just one expression- a smile
how companionship need not be felt throguh language and laughter - it jsut needs comfortable silence
how sharing a brownie and ice cream can extend the taste and joys of eating it
how. incredibly. amazing.
~* a meal does not become a banquet when you eat alone
I just managed to contradict the very principles behind what i had originally set out to do.
i just thought of the someone i told myself to leave at the back of my mind where i store all my precious, precious memories
i just spent the night dreaming of things i told myself were not going to be a reality anytime soon.
i just spent the night thinking of reality being you
not that it'd really matter now. Platonic is our relationship.
and it looks to be that way , doesn't it?
~* Perhaps things never even crossed that line with you
-seriously.
What to say, what to do, what road to take about you.
divergence seems a necessary path for now
for yours and for mine
It seems ur path has already began to deviate.
And all that is left is me standing at the crossroads
thinking
what actually just hit me
~* take a step back and realise that the one who really cares has been there all along
i will end up spending the rest of my day thumbing my nose at everything.
oh. and what's with the pink and yellow cows all over the place? They're so unnatural, they desecrate the grass that they stand on. Not to mention the rest of the world( who still generally deservs to die cos i'm bratty and royally pissed)
Bah.
somehow, i feel irritated at things, the way things are. I think i've managed to create another psychological barrier for myself, by registering and retaining the hurt other pple directly or indirectly administer out to me. still i'm struck perhaps, b this change in ym, i never used to bear grudges, nor did i attain them easily. offended i will get but after a while i'll just forget about it. HOw strange. ah heck. Maybe its just me getting annoyed for other biological reasons.
Sometimes when you look at things, do u ever get a memory wave that suddenly breaks upon u and leaves u stunned as the enitre incident just repeats before ur eyes? Just looking at the lampost the other day suddenly reminded me about how i met a particular person(who shall not be mentioned) by unfortunately banging into him to avoid the lampost. And how in that 2 minutes of passing i was suddenly struck by the interesting points of fate. Life is like that, somehow, an interesting twist of threads that can intertwine occasionally and then run off on their own paths agian. Just a simple interlinking of lives that could impact others in so many different ways. Yet sometimes, the occasional passing is like a brushing the wings of a butterfly, just so soft and insignifcant you don't feel it, don't remember it.
Human contact in life i guess doesn't have to be particularly long or different, i think what's most important is that u've made a difference, an impact in that person's life.
yeah/
~* on a sleepless evening i stand alone, but tommorrow i'll sing with you on the wings of a dream
because i feel that our communication is going down the drain
because i feel suspicious that the friendship never really existed
you annoy me. and i'm going to stop talking to you
right now.
on another note, debate training is interesting. i'm amused by my new juniors^^
But still. i'm annoyed. with you. >.<
before me i see a story,
so carefully woven, intertwined , connected.
Pretty silken threads linked to each other,
in and out in and out,
smooth against my skin
so real to my touch,
yet somehow, somewhere,
something
tells me its not real.
the threads that form it seem so fine
the cloth steady yet weak
it seems to be able to break at my slightest touch
it seems all to familiar to be different from the one
presented me before.
as i run my fingers through it,
it moves, gently,
as if prodded by my touch
closer together, tightening, closing up the
gaps
those gaps telling of inconstancy. .
what i have before me
does it exist?
or is it a construct to tease me,
illude me, push me away,
and thus bide u some time?
~*tell me perhaps what really was it that i thought was there
helll. i'll plant it here. its annoying me. maybe this way it'll stay OUT of my head.
Heaven knows,
Rick Price
She's always on my mind
From the time I wake up,
Till I close my eyes.
She's everywhere I go
She's all I know.
And though she's so far away,
It just keeps getting stronger everyday
And even now she's gone
I'm still holding on
So tell me, where do I start
'Coz it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let her go
Chorus:
Maybe my love will come back someday
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
But only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope & pray
'Coz heaven knows.
My friends keep telling me
That if you really love her,
You've gotta set her free
And if she returns in time
I'll know she's mine
But tell me, where do I start
'Coz it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let her go
(Repeat Chorus except last line)
Bridge:
'Coz heaven knows
Why I live in despair
'Coz wide awake or dreamin',
I know she's never there
And all the time I act so brave,
I'm shakin' inside
Why does it hurt me so?
(Repeat Chorus)
Heaven knows... heaven knows
Jac was so sweet, she gave me m and m's today^^, so i could cheer up. And it really made me feel happy, just to know that people cared. opening up isn't so bad. i just hope my progress at moving away from fear of emotional attachments won't be hindered by negative events.
i will persevere on. overcome those fears. recover the bounce that i once lost.
on another note, i am getting increasingly confused.
what do i want? what can i afford to have at this moment? what is the final decision that i will have to make?
will i segregate us forever?
~* and the wall comes tumbling down brick by brick by brick
the first touch
first kiss
first romance.
yet so vivid, the colour,
the feelings, the emotions
almost as if it was yesterday
now i just let it flit past me in the breeze
i feel numb, its unbearable.
i feel weighted down, so strange.
I thought this was what i wanted.
perhaps it is
perhaps not?
i broke up with Len today. when it came to the crunch somehow i really couldn't do it. I need time to grow, to sort things out - this i can only do alone. There are problems with the relationship that need to really be ironed out as well. and yet somehow, i feel numb.
Right now. I feel like i can never ever love again. Because in giving up the relationship, i just felt like i gave up my heart with it.
And that just happened in a matter of seconds.
it came to me in a matter of seconds too. RIght before i had to force the words out of my mouth.
something is wrong with me. hell yeah. Esp when it comes to understanding myself. i can't even articulate it. what rubbish.
urgh. urgh, urgh
~* and a song someone sings once upon a december
just take yourself apart
break away
change
its really easy
remove the flaws
paint the face
keep yourself within
yet have a nice welcoming smile
simple sensitive speech
you don't own a tongue that rolls off words on its own
its really easy
say things you don't want to say
package things nicely and be gay
easy
really
so why can't i just do it?
It's so hard to make decisions without affecting the people u do care about. And sometimes, i wonder why.
its the very reason why i hate emotional attachments so much.
the pain, the memory, the unhappiness.
its so hard to forget, so hard to get over.
i hated it when i got hurt.
and now i'm hurting someone else.
i'm sorry
I will mourn the loss of a love, but even more than that, the loss of a friend.
it could've been so beautiful
it could've been so right
you could have been my lover for the rest of my life.
could've been.
~* you will always always have a place in my heart
the sun sets on her very first chapter
She goes back and forth
back and forth
deliberating analysing meditating feeling trying flying hiding deciding undeciding
She sits on her swing going higher and higher
She longs to stop the ride
but the wind teases her, chides her, teaches her heart to sing
perhaps she should wait, hang on a little longer
stay in the wind's warm playful embrace
or maybe she should get off and feel the ground beneath her feet again
NEWBIES
early noise
sugar rush
normalcy
contemplate
lost phone
crazy
invisible and wet
incognito
