A lot of times, people think its a matter of trust which is violated in the process, which is true, but at the same time, why we lie, seems to be a question on its own.
we lie because of convenience sometimes, sometimes because of circumstances - is easier to get out of things one way than the actual truth. A lot of times we can say 'what they don't know won't hurt them' but then, what happens, when they do know?
i cna't say i haven't lied before. i have. a lot actually. But that doesn't mean i'm a compulsive liar. I have my reasons for doing things the way i do them, and does it really matter whether or not anyone believes everything i say - if they do there must be a reason for it.
sometimes i wonder why people can just think and believe things in a particular way and think that their point of view is accurate and objective. Its hrd t judge something that u don't know much abuot, yet often people choose to. Their prejudices often get in the way and hurt others, but they don't realise that either. Cos' to them they can only believe that they are right. Maybe its a security blanket
i may havlied this round, and i am guilty about it. But why id on't say things is an issue of protection. And a lot of times, i really don't want to do it, but then, sometimes i really have no choice.
~* you leave me no path outside the one i have in front of me
lying isolation Happy metamorphosis hmmmmm.... pure pure bliss hypersensitivity trivial temperaments perhaps perhaps perhaps is this love? simple complications sting letdown happy balloons in stormy skies borrrred odd-ended string
as usual i haven't been really mugging and all that, hence as a desperate aim to cram things into my head i shall now be going into isolation.
which means
no phone calls no messaging no going online no running around town no gallavanting no skiving
just
mugging mugging mugging
i have no life.
and that's supposed to be a reality.
~* its just a matter of time till freedom
figures. it was upon hindsight that i realised most of my blog entries are oddly depressing, which is in that sense, extremely worrisome. Anyhoots... i figured that i can't dwell on these things for too long. so yeah. someone once said to me its the little things that can make a person happy. Evidently i just proved it through, much to the consternation of the rest of my family, who see no rhyme or reason to be excited about a milkshake.
i'm happy i made a new friend. seriously, one i can have fun gabbing with. ^^ but still. another small thing to make me happy^^. ( no, i still gab the most with daffy and wei. so its nothing changeable. just another addition)
sigh. i don't like it when people come up to say hi and i have no idea who they are. and its not very nice to say 'sorry. u were from....?'
aahh... why in the world are we always always bound by social protocol? isn't it so annoying when ur supposed to advocate freedom of expression? mmmm... its really in situations like these u wish u can either jog back a few daysto when u met that person, or that u could just say things out and hope not to offend them ( fat chance)
so yeah. don't kill me when i don't remember who you are. i'm a half-wit when it comes to
remembering names ^^;;
~* it only takes a grain of rice to tip the scale
faced things i haven't really wanted to confront in a while. things that hung at the back of my head, questions i reefused to answer out of fear, fear of losing all my defences.
i hope i can explain things to her clearer, but i feel kind of bad about being the cause of her dilemma. at any rate, i love her whether or not she's with me all the time, so yeah.
but on another level, i feel so vulnerable. i know i have to change, but for what cause and how i still don't know.
i'm lost, scared. i feel alone. not because i don't have any support, but because i feel everything about me is so wrong. and the worst part is, the biggest mistake, is nothing else but me.
~* love me for who i am. But who am i?
sigh. im pretty tired now.had carnival. can't get my fat ass off to doing work. I think i shall adopt the last minute work idea. to hell with what the teachers say. some of em aren't even helping me. talk abt counterproductivity.
mmmm... just got really annoyed by people. especially when u rearrange things to accomodate changes, then they go change things all over again. that is so retarded.
the end of my debating career is about now. feels kind ahollow. now i'vel ike almost no cca. All that's left is to train my juniors. yupp... and i think i shall put a lil moree ffort into that. but work now becomes a priority.
sorry adri =p will spar. but i dun think i can afford staying too late in school for it. not too late anywayz^^;;.
see ya all folks. gonna try do some work. i think.
darn. nothings up on moodle yet. pfffffbt. sometimes. i =hate= technology. now teachers can legitamtely give you homework, and expect u to complete it. even if they are sick or there's a long weekend. all they have to do is click a button. pfffbt. and they said technology is supposedto make yur life easier. *smirk* it sure does. wheeeeeeeeeee *rolls eyes*
~* and they said it all started from man's invention with the wheel?
its amazing, as i told you earlier, how we behave like more than just a couple. equally fascinating, is how no matter what, i just seem to miss you more and more. Somehow. And i feel unbelievably happy. Even if i just get to see you for 2 hours. Even if within those 2 hours, we just sit and stone and do retarded things. like watch cartoons.
somehow or other, just thinking of you is enough to bring a smile to my face. And sometimes, i don't even realise that i'm doing it .
what i feel for you, is definately not something in passing. Not when it makes me feel like someone who's on a emotional high, just by being with you.
~* if i could, i would willingly be with you every single day.
i really really want to Leave
nothing seems right anymore.
not that i care.
Do you?
commited political suicide. nothing new. but yeeah. stings. as usual.
figures, hoped to se him today, to pass him his present. guess not. not his fault. but yeah. nvm. talk abt nice thing to get ur hopes up ^^;; nvm... (ignore me. going thru a why-is-the-rest-of-the-world -against-me syndrome)
feeling worried about him. his fever's fluctuating like mad
please please please be ok soon.
sometimes i really wonder what i do things for. i learn from my mistakes yes, yet most of the time in learning from them, i can feel so alone.
~* think of me, say you'll remember, yet if that should bring u tears, i'd rather u smile, and forget.
i realised that sometimes i really hope or expect to nmcuih of things, and when they fal short, it results in me feelign upset. too upset sometimes.
i guess i shouldn't expect more than the basic from people. yet, if the very basic isn't fulfilled, then what should i say?
sometimes, i think i need a lesson or two in understanding myself. and the rest of the human populous.
mmph
~* what is it that will let me read you like an open book?
i can't distinctify them, can't seperate them from frienship nor love.
sometimes your like my big brother, othertimes someone i just can't live without.
if not someone i just feel is another person, another stranger.
no doubt i feel the strength of emotions attached to you
feel the passion that arises, the giddy rush of blood to my head when you smile.
yet i can't answer this question.
what are my feelings for you?
is it love as i'd like to believe?
or is it something more than that? something tha answers my own identity?
something that identifiies and makes me complete.
a completion perhaps, only you can achieve?
~* if this is love, and lovers are blind, i'd willingly find my way with you
and my problem is relatively simple. But it complicates things.
you see, i have a tongue i can't really control.
And the worst part is, it gets me places i don't really wanna go.
And for those who know where my tongue has gotten me into ( prolly mainly daffy)
its strange. and wierd, cause i have so much fun doing it, but at the same time, i'm wondering what's going on on the other end too.
my dear, do u take me seriously??
~* real trouble never brews unseen
i know ur busy, i know u have lots to do. i do too.
but being brushed aside hurts.
it does.
alot.
even if i'm being oversensitive.
~* the thorns from the rose prick me painfully
U'd think by now i'd be used to living in an ice box. well. truthfully i'm not.
u'd think by now, i'd have learnt to ignore and move on with whatever i do, well. truthfully i'm not.
u'd think by now, i'd have stopped trying to break the ice that never even cracked. well. truthfully i have not.
u'd think by now, i'd have stopped crying my eyes out each and every night dreading the dawn of tommorrow. well. truthfully, i have not.
u'd think by now, i'd have believed that things would never get better, taht i would have given up hoping. well. truthfully. i have not.
which leaves me evidently, right back where i started.
i haven't learnt anything have i?
what keeps me believing really, when i feel bruised and cut all over, when things don't get any better?
what now, keeps me alive?
~* i've been hit and hurt countless times over, yet i keep trying. why?
he called. excellent excellent news ^^
but still
things turned stormy again.
how do i get used to such temperamental weather?
~* the clouds rumbled in suddenly, drenching the colourful parade of balloons in the sky
just read daffy's entry in reply to mine on my whole issue with judgemeents etc. lolx. guess its true. i'm guilty of it too. just angstying abt the degeneration of society ^^;; think what she said was true. ybut still depressing ^^;; ( Hmmm... looks ike You re rubbing negatively off me. no, not u daph. worry not^^)
lolx. was thinking about what she said about degrees of closeness to people. Truwe. i see daph everyday. to the point where we can happily snuggle and be comfrortable with it. it can get a little boring aftert a while. but daffy is a nice nice person, as i said before, so yeah. we end up talking and bitching and talking and eating and well... u get the pic ^^ stil nice, good productive conversations, so yeah. i'm not complaining=), i''m very happy wif my caretaker. ^^
thouight a little bout wei ^^ sicnce i se eher every morning, and usually i exercise more mental retrdation with her. ^^ kinda miss hanging out wif her during a school day too, as we used to. but we bump into each other on campus ^^V. which is a good good thingggg... cept she pinches my cheeks * rubs cheeks*
sigh. miss him. i wish i'd see him sooner. not that he'd hear me. i doubt he'd really read this entry/ so yeah^^;;. keep wishing. he;s not even near a pc now. ='(
~* far far away are the stars of heaven, out of reach, but yet not out of sight.
when i interact with other people, sometimes i really wonder about the truth behind all that their saying. i;m not referring to anyone in particular, don't get me wrong. but i ccan't help woonder often enough how thin the line between lip service and genuine comments can be, The privce to pay when we are all educated is athat we all usually know what is morally and politically correct to say and do, and more than often for the sake of image and persona we actually say and do them. Yet othee times we look a t other people based on assumptions or wheat we haev heard abouth that person, and thus base our opinion of that person on that alone. Hence, when interacting with this person( or in some cases avoiding to interact with them), we end up missing out on a chance to either affirm ofrchange our perceptions, rid ourselves the chance of being able to know another person through good, unrestrained conversation( which is improssible due to social notions of taboo etc..)
Sometimes i really wonder what is lip service, and why other people can judge others when they don't even converse with them, basing their criticisms and opinions on other people's actions and reactions., yet never ever stopping to wonder how or why a person reacts this way, nor realising that this is probably one of the mnany faces that this person could have. Or how could they, in any way, ostracise a person because of that person's lifestyle or circumstances, a person who's only sin is probably being different or making a choice that he or she wanted to make.
They say everyone is unique. well, if that is true, then why won't anyone acknowledge each other's differences and accept them, and not base and place their expectations on other people? Why won't anyone try to talk to people and understand them and not take away from observation alone??
They say we are special, unique individuals, but no one recognises that anymore. they just expect you to fit into mouds held together by perceptions and morals, held together by popular belief and others-imposed expectations.
But then again, if everyone was special, then we are all ordinary, aren't we?
~* don't look at me only through the window
NEWBIES
early noise
sugar rush
normalcy
contemplate
lost phone
crazy
invisible and wet
incognito
