yeah, another template with a lily on it yeah, another template with a lily on it
Saturday, October 30, 2004
ITs pretty wierd, how romance novels can turn u into some happy ditzy pperson for a while. Its nice reading stories about dashing uave guys who carry off the damsel in distress, but after a while u find u get taken away from reality. Its pretty funny though. I actually get partially high after reading such books... hmmm... gotta cut down on intake. Oh wellx. Tis strange. I feel oddly comforted nowadays by the fact that i am happy with who i am. Well, at least mostly. So i guess, since i've managed to be able to love me ( gosh. that sounds horribly horribly ego), then to hell with what the rest of the world says. (Does that sound selfish?) oh well. Anyhowz, found this quiz on daffy's blog. so shall do it, cos i'm BORED!!!! wheeeeeeee....

) how old are you? 17

2) Do you believe in reincarnation? not really. Don't we all go to heaven?

3) Would you rather be deaf or blind? figures. i bump into things and not hear others anyway.

4) If you found out your best friend was gay/lesbian, what would you do? .. don't care. will still love her anyway:)

5) Do you consider yourself a good listener?can do

6) Would you rather be short or tall? hello. i've been vertically challenegged more than half my life. Tall. Definately

7) Would you rather be overly happy and poor, or overly wealthy and sad? Haha. happy and moderately monetarily equipped. can?

8) Would you consider your relationship with your parents bad, okay or good? Fine.

9) Do you like to dance? heez. Have 2 left feet

10) Are you shy to ask someone out? haha... yep^^

11) Do you like to talk on the phone? Lately yep, but think people to people better.

12) Would you rather go on a walk or watch tv? walk. see more things. but i'm a TV addict too^^

13) What's your favorite song? haha, too many to list^^

14) What would be the first thing you'd change about yourself? haha.. dunno ^^

15) Do you think boys or girls have it easier? Girls. We have higher EQ. more responsive to change

16) If you had a round-trip ride in any time machine, where would you go? Erm, to the beginning of time. so i can see the big bang^^

17) If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do? wouldn't you like to know.. ;)

18) Do you like Adidas, Nike, Fila, or Reebok or any other brand? haha.. not a brand worshipper, but i generally prefer nike when it comes to shoes^^

19) If you could change your name, what would it be? Perfectly happy with Larissa^^

20) If you were in a theater and someone was crying, would you laugh? figures. i'd usually not respond.

21) Have you ever thought you were going to die? yesh. Mrs Kang's staff rm announceme.t i absolutely wanted to die.

22) What's the hardest thing about growing up? you lose ur innocence, and the ability to see things in ways u never will be when ur an adult. things like beauty, and wonder.

23) Have you ever gone skinny dipping? haha.... well. nope^^

24) What unknown talents do you possess? .... how do i answer this question? does tripping count?

25) Would you eat a bowl of live crickets for $40,000? Bugs. are. absitively. out. of. the. question. on. my. menu

26) If this was Saturday and you could do ANYTHING you wanted, what would you do? haha. Talk on the phone none stop. withut time limit :)

27) What's the worst word(s) you know? haha. no advertising for me here. i'm just an innocent little girl ;)

29) Have you ever wanted to run away? haha. yep. occasionally when i was a kid.

30) What's your worst fear? hmm... hurting and losing people i love. and disappointing them too.

31) What is your dream car? haha. Well, i think a convertible. ferrari.

33) Have you ever felt you were in love? *grin* yep. well. not in past tense tho.

34) If you were stranded on a deserted island with one person, who would it be? haha. ^^ thats for me to know, and for u not to find out

36) What guy/girl do you want more than anyone else? ok. this sounds bad. him i guess^^ esp since he's MIA.

37) If you could be any animal what would you be? A kitten!

38) What is your favorite gum? Bubble gum!!

40) Do you eat chicken fingers with a fork? haha. outside yes. at home no.

42) If you could do anything to the person you hated most what would it be? haha. does sending her to eternal damnation count?


Wednesday, October 27, 2004
Ah wellx. a lot of wierd things happening lately.. found my lost sock which was hiding under the stacks of clothes in the cupboard( yay!!) as well as a few other odd knick knacks here and there. Never knew i had a soft pink panda key chain, and i happily attached it to my bag but this morning it successfully dislocated itself and now all i have left is the soft toy :( gotta get a new key chain. darn. Waargh. sigh. more wierd stuff. i found that carrots eaten with a potato plus some butter and roti prata tastes like chicken stew, and that if u run out of the house in a mad rush in the morning, falling down before u get to the bus stop will manage to get the bus to wait a few more minutes so u can get on it. which means u will not be late. i have deduced that the nose is a strange body part. it loves to run despite not having legs to carry it away, much to the irritation of the rest of the body which needs endless amts of tissues to keep it in check. sigh. need more tissue paper. And i was supposed to help save the trees ^^;; ah wellx. heck it. I still have no idea how i'm going to get home in one piece, and am currently wishing that my bad nose will help carry the rest of my body from lit lecture, instead of running away by itself. i so dun wanna go for it :( wanna go home and sleeep... mmph. need to wake up.

That time of the year again, where u start realisign taht its the end of the year and u just finished a whole darn load of stuff, but none of which are really particularly memorable. Tis quite strange, considering the fact that i did do quite a lot this year, but oddly, none of which are really that worth remembering detail by detail. There is the existence of such things, this year no doubt, but on a large scale i realise that there isn't anything particularly worthwhile. Worthwhile in the sense that there was something that i did that i could fully take pride in, something that i could remember for life and not forget, something that made me feel like i made a difference, or made full use of my life and time. Nothing. I guess that often what we spend time prursuing and thinking is worth the pursuit really isn't all as big or good as we so perceived. We spend so much time going after and doing all that we have to, we rarely stop to think that aboutthe little things. Little things that matter. Little things like spending time with your loved ones or even just doing that small favour to make someone's life easier, or taking time out from school work to talk to a friend or just giving a hug. Its little things like these that give meaning to a person's life, that makes a difference is someone else's life. That adds that feel of humanity, that sense of happiness.It doesn't matter if you get grades that are horrible. If you were the smartest person in the world, and you didn't have a heart, you'd still be in a worse position than the world's biggest dunce.and i've no idea how i would respect myself in that position. Ah wellx, the litte things do matter, and you know what, getting an unexpected hug is one of the nicest feelings in the world :). really.


Sigh. miss him, miss him, miss him. u know what, i think i'm incurable now.darn :)


*~ And it broke upon her like a wave upon the sand
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
lalalala.... pretty much better these few days. at least feel better. was sick and down with fever yest, then slept 12 hrs till today^^ so now i'm pretty muhc refreshed and a lot less tired^^ wheeee... but still, tmr i have to go to sch, and deal with bloody PW. Sigh.nvm. just a week or two more, and i'll never ever see Mrs Kang again. That is the best news this end-of-the-year. i just hope i dun get her for GP next year.... yeesh. oh wellz.... reality has hit me, and its time to set a new thing to do for this week . gotta mug for chinese... yeesh. ah wellx. nvm. can't wait for the hols. i need a break. not from owork but frm people. i need to reorient myself. I just don't want to see those people for a while. its zapping all my energy just keeping myself from saying what i feel abt them to their face.

*~ TIme apart helps fade some memories that you can only forget.
Friday, October 22, 2004
I've never had a worse week in my entire life. ok. maybe i did. but point being. this week sucked. big time. I got real sucky sucky grades for promos.. bloody hell i got CDEO, thats horrible. aside from that, i got hurt, really really hurt by the gestures of people that were completely puerile and utterly detestable. i know i;m not supposed to be affected by it, so let me grouse a bit and get it out of my system first yes? seriously, i don't give 2 hoots whther u like me or not, but i think u can at least be mature and civilised. i don't have leprosy. u don't have to repulse me like that. i have done nothing to offend u, and if u can't bloody accept me for what i am, then so be it. i am not going to change, since what u've just seen is the exterior from your frosted window. Call me all the names u want. i don't care. it won't hurt me because i know u don't know me. so that gives u false judgement already. But to behave in such a manner to make things worse... welll.. i'll blame u for that. Simply because you don't have to go to such an extent. its hurtful. it stings. and i won't deny that its hurt me. a lot. so whilst its been a waste spending my tears over u, i did. and thats my only regret.

Still, just realised that Len going to be enlisted on the 11th dec. Which leaves us super little time together,if u count in all our activities. sigh. my biggest fear has come true. i wish we had more time together. i trust him, but i don't trust fate nor circumstance, both of which i always seem to lose against. somehow or other i get hoodwinked by these two so much, i'm bloody fraid of change, of which i i have experienced by the truckloads this year. i'm so bloody tired. but even if we can't see each other all the while, doesn't mean we'll love each other any less. i hope. i don't know. i've fallen so many times this year, feeling bruised blue and black all over. The cruelest thing to do now is take my heart and living breath right out of me and leave me there to die. i'm scared and i'm hurt. i don't know where to go, or what i can do to make myself feel safe and warm again. nowhere i can run to, nowhere i can hide. all i can do now is leave myself to be hit again and again and will myself not to keel over. but even that has its limitts.

*~ please don't break me. there's only so much i can take

I can't believe it. School used to be my playground. it was where i could find solace and happiness in the comfort of friends and feelings. Yet, it seems to have ended, and no one is stopping to look back with me. Everyone tells me to keep my head held high and face tomorrow - only the future holds the promise. i'll hold on to my past thank you. thats the only joy that i can think of now. the days where i felt relations were simple. where life itself was content and unique, with each new experience adding the colour and brightness to it. Yet all i see now is hypocrisy, hypocrisy in relations and people. how do i live in a world that feels like steel and stone, where people seem to be unfeeling adn distant. i cn breaksdown in the room and no one seems to care. its crap. it hiurts to know that een ur tears anre invisible to those around u, that they mock u for crying, mock u for what they asssume ur crying about. That they laugh in the face of knowing they hurt somebody. Do tehy not feel for others aorund them, or ami just like a piece of glass, for them to break, and
laugh over their victory?i miss my friends, i miss life. i miss being able to smile wothout a nagging feeling that someone there thinks i'm bloody fake and patronising. i wish i gcould just live wothout caring about what would happen when i get home, or what i'd face tmr. what i'd face alone. i'm hurt, and i'm crying. an oddball i may be, i enjoy being different. But despiteall these differences, can people stop and remember i have feelings too?

*~ Did you see me cry? you just walked past me as if i wasn't there. Did you ever ask yourself why?
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
haha... just saw this on luke's blog, was feeling bored, so took it down to do.. ok fine. so maybe i'm too fre.. haha ^^ nvm.. well... here goes!!

[spell your name back wards] assiral
[the story behind your email address] haha.. just a combo of two things i am and like *grin* stupid, but hey, i like it^^
[where do you live?] Balestier.. pretty central..

DESCRIBE YOUR...
[wallet] i've used it since P4... erm..red.. kipling.. rectangular?
[shoes] White, blue and erm turquios nikes ^^ wheeee!!!
[favourite shirt] erm.. i generally love most of my wardrobe.. can't say ^^;;
[piercing] heee.. i only have pierced ears.. how the hell do i describe that??
[hair] Black, occasionally looks like a haystack.. now its erm.. falling all over my shoulders
[makeup] sorry. i'm purely natural most of the time
[something you're looking forward to in the upcoming months] Holidays!!
[something that you are deathly afraid of] Cockroaches.. and not being able to talk for days on end. I live on talking!
[do you believe in love] I'm librian, how can i not?
[do you believe in forgiveness] Yes, but i won't necessarily forget ^^ nah. kidding.. i will be pissed, but not for long.
[where are 3 places you wouldn't mind relocating to] Japan, erm, canada and the outback. i wanna be a koala bear in australia ... sleep 40hrs a day...
[favorite foods?] japanese bento and sushi, steak erm.. home cooked stuff, chocolate and ice cream.. deserts generally
[is there something you wish you could understand better] haha... thats for me to know and not for u to find out.. yet.
[my father thinks i am] forgetful
[my mother thinks i am] affectionate.
[my siblings think i am] a bookworm?!
[best qualities] *grin* what do u think??
[worst qualities] haha.... temper... erm.. bluntness.. annoyingly perky... overreactive.. need i go on?
[i get embarrassed when]Let me count the ways.... i've had to many embarassments...
[what makes me happy] chocolate... ice cream.. being with friends or pple i love
[upsets me] haha.. well.. when someone hurts me or i hurt someone.. mostly the case.

YES OR NO
[you like to cook] i would, if only i would be let into the kitchen.pple fear i burn the kitchen down ^^;;
[you have a secret you have not shared with anyone] haha... yep .
[others find you attractive] not telling *blush*
[you drink] water good enuf for me thankewverymuch
[you like roller coasters] definately not
[you write in cursive or print] erm.. both??
[you carry a donor card] whats that?
[lied to someone] haha did before.. not frequently now tho
[ever been in a fist fight] do i look like i can?
[ever been arrested] no!!

LAST
[song you listened to] "Can't fight the moonlight"
[person you've called] home.
[person that called you] Leonard
[person u sms] Daphne
[TV show you've watched] mmm... chef on call? channel surfing ^^;;
[thing you were thinking about] whats for dinner( hey, i was hungry )

WHAT...
[shampoo do you use]Pantene
[what do you notice first in a guy/girl] height ( more because i amm vertically challenged..so everyone just looks... taller

WHO...
[makes you laugh the most] Leonard and Daphne [equal footing =)]
[has a crush on you] Haha.. theoretically speaking i'd be the last to know no?
[last time you were totally free] last hols.
[whats your favourite colour] Blue
[what are you planning to do tomorrow] good question... i'll tell u when i find out
[wat u want to get from ur girl/boy] i already got my present.. and i absolutely love it ^^
[what u want to be when you grow up] journalist
[what you do when you miss someone] distract myself in all possible ways...like now
[what are you doing now]
mulit-tasking.. and bungling it up.. as usual ^^;;

haha... guess i effectively distracted myself for a bit.. wheee... i'm so retarded... hahaha

*~take one step at a time,one breath for every moment.
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
sigh. i just finshed a romance novel, which daffy happily lent me to get hooked to ( which i did).. so now i'm quite open to reading such books again.. though i'd liekt o reiterate only in my spare time.I think there's a lot more good books out there. now i'm just exposing myself to one more genre. But still.. its soo perfect *swoons*. Perhaps its because we're all not able to have our own perfect reality that we're so drawn to our created paradises. I often thought of the idea of paradise as a lie, its something that people have created out of places as they like them to be. But still,no doubt about it, the idea of paradise is enticing... especially if it involves a romantic encounter between an absolutely gorgeous hero and heroine. I don't know... its just so romantic.. when tehy meet, fall in love and live happily ever after... i admit i have a soft spot for =the= happy ending, but somehow or other, i wonder why its always the hero and the damsel in distress, of which we feminists usually get all putty-like over. if u ask me.. doesn't make sense. But who cares? truthfully.. romance is an ideal, and one that i probably now have learnt to gush over a little as well ^^ so sweeeet.. *swoons again*.. ah wellx. never mind.. hopefully one day i might achieve my perfect reality.. till then, i'll live short spurts of these created realities that help take me away from the rest of the world, even if its just for a length of a book... *looks back and gasps* i don't thing i would have said all this a month or two ago... darn.. Daph... u have me fully converted. OH NO!!! *claps hand at cheek* i hope i've not fully lapsed into bimbohood.. i don't want to be trapped in bimbo-dom for the rest fo my life *panic panic*. nvm. i'm sure i'll get out of it.... RIGHT??

Sigh, aside from that, i passed by my old neighourhood again... its still so familiar.. the smells, the scenary.. the atmosphere... i really miss my old house... it was so... quaint.. ^^ i dunno. Guess when live in a place for 11 years, your bound to feel somewhat attached to it.. mmm.... most likely. it was the same experience with my scrapbook... saw all myold pictures again... the picture of the boy next door.. who i played soccer with.. the picture of the falling rain outside my room window.. the neighbours do who saw my toes as a chew toy.. the picutre of m dad adn our old cr.. it got us quite far... sigh. That neighbourhood brings back too many memories.. bittersweet they were.. but still worth everything else i have put together. I guess its true.. when u get older, u live more and more on your memories.. and it doesn't help that i have constant reminders about the more embarassing ones.. everytime it gets hit on.. i feel like hiding under a giant hat... and become inconspicuous.. very helpful, but i can never find a hat big enough to fit me... darn, ok ok. enoguh rubbishy ramblings for me. i think i'm getting long winded.. But i better remind myself one thing. i said i'd disappear for a while. i guess i better do... and at the end of it all, i'm not too sure i want to be found.


*~ faded pictures in my scrapbook, just had to take one more look to see when we were all in the neighbourhood
Saturday, October 09, 2004
Ah wellz. can't believe it. the thought that exams are finally over have finally sunk in. and its not wild exhilaration like i imagined it would be. Its like what happened after o's, when everyone went. 'oh, its over. ok' . I dunno, maybe its desensitization, maybe its just the fact that i'm so darn tired of everything nothing seems to have an effect on me anymore. i dunno. its weird. i just feel so detached. its like i'm watching everything through this glass window. i know whats going on, i can see it, almost feel it, but i'm not part of it. strange. and i just had a wierd thought. if i died tomorrow, what would i feel most happy with about my life? had i done anything that has made me feel like my life was worth its time spent on this planet? or had i wasted away what was given to me? i don't know, its so hard to say. right now i just feel so bogged down, i'm being pulled downwards, so far down darkness closes in on me and makes me feel like i can't breathe. i feel so suffocated, so entrapped. entrapped in a viscious cycle that takes me to places where i don't want to go, but have no choice. i don't know. I feel so apart from everyone now, its as if i don't belong anymore. come to think of it, i pretty much never did. i never really felt like i truly belonged anywhere. maybe its because i never really let myself, or maybe its because i never let my emotions fully run my heart. whatever the thing is, i guess its true. i don't belong anywhere. i'll always be this odd piece that fits here and there occasionally but not actually part of the picture. i dunno. guess i'm just a misfit.

Aside from that, i had a really happy birthday today. Thanx so much for all your well wishes, they were much appreciated. now i can look forward to being older... wheeee...

to him: ^^ thanx especially to you darling, for giving me such a wonderful birthday, ^^ its one of the best i ever had *grin*... guess i won't be seeing u around much nowadays, but tis okay, absence makes the heart grow fonder. i'll believe that ^^. take care darling, ^^ will miss u *~ily

*~ and between now and then till i see you again i'll be loving u - love, me
Thursday, October 07, 2004
Well well well... here comes the time of the year where we all start to feel older. one year older. *looks in the mirror : AHHHH!!! i have wrinkles!?!?* brilliant. now people will stop thinking of me to be in secondary school and put me in J1 where i belong. Its not funny to have people first please u by telling u u have grown taller then proceed to ask what secondary school u go to and which level. its WRONG! absitively positutely wrong. Aside from that, me being on the absolutely bimbotic rampage of mine after exams, i actually came up of a list of what probably would not change after i finally turn 17... yep.. so here's my negative reality.

things that i will still do at 17

1. Run to answer a telephone thats ringing on TV ( Stop laughing. u guys have done it before too.. RIGHT?)
2. Walk into pillars ( scarily the number increases by year)
3. Put my groceries into someone else's grocery cart ( hey, its not my fault all carts look the same)
4. Make riduculous spelling errors (All rite all rite.i'm a seventeen year old who can't spell properly.happy now?)
5. Fall down (this is a normality to be exact)
6. Put my cup in my closet when i meant to bring it to the kitchen (don't ask me why. it just happens)
7. Bump into someone/ get bumped into.( i must reiterate that i do not subsist on glass..)
8. Walk into glass doors ( no. i know they're there. i just don't want to see them)
9. grouse about my height. ( fine fine. i haven't found the benefits of being short yet. but i will, promise.)
10.Run into embarassig situations with Mrs Kang that will want to make me hide in pigeon holes.
(That woman is a walking disaster. someone should seriously incarcerate her. she's recalcitrant!!)

ah wellx.... freedom does funny things to u... and truthfully enough,i'm happy to live till my 17th birthday. i've a feeling i'll be dead the minute i see my promo papers coming back to me. So yep, i better start planning for my funeral. Don't forget to visit my grave yeah? *grin* fresh flowers would be good... very good. ^^ just don't bring magnolias.... i hate magnolias. oh.. and remember, i want to be buried by a hillside. i know singapore doesn't have any, but it would be good if u guys can find a nice grassy hillside for me. with birds and bees and flowers and trees.... without monkeys. i want uninterrupted rest, thankewverymuch.

~* freedom, liberty and enfranchisement... carry me away on the wings of the wind





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