I am deprived i tell u. Deprived with a capital 'D'. Thanx to my flu, i had a cough. And this cough has been stuck with me for almost a week now, which obviously means i can't bloody take chocolate. Sigh. And to think there's some nice dark chocolate sitting in the fridge now. Urgh. My endorphines want their exercise. And it wants it bad. And i have no darn bloody alternative. I can't even take sprite much to my appalition, cos the parental unit has effectively kept all usgar supplies away from me at home, and outside... well... somehow or other, they seem to be able to keep track of what i drink.... No chocolate, no cold drinks.... waaaaaahhh... i think my life has just lost its meaning... T-T *waves arms madly around* talk about not being able to be happy. I've lost my energy source for bouncing!!! *attempts to bounce feebly* waaaargh. someone come and liberate me...

Aside from that, i seem to suffer from a late teething syndrome. For some strange reason, my gums are starting to itch ( the area behind my molars) and it is driving me CRAZY... i swear i need a chew toy or something. Its giving me HELL. And i mean living hell.. its bloody pissing me offf.... *growl* and i have a sudden stackload of tests i need to clear. Boy do they call this living... *rolls eyes* i'm deprived. Deprived of the chance to even have time to breathe.

*~is breaking out of the box a crime??

Deprived

ok. this is bad news. BAD bad Bad news. I, for some strange reason am repelling my books. Not that i didn't use to do that, but the scale this round is starting to freak me out. I can't even sit down and work for 15 minutes. Yesterday was super annoying, i just was staring at my book and thinking ' this is human crap. i'm wading in human crap' aargh!!! this is not the best of situations. curse the bloody idiot who invented the jc timetiable to be as hectic and repulsive. and screw the chinese for coming up with the brilliant idea of examinations. why can't life be simple and normal and less trial-some. no. they had to come up with the brilliant idea of testing, of using such torturous methods to gauge intellectual capability. only of course, they fail to realise the only thing they're testing is not knowledge, but stress endurance, and memory cells. pfffffbt. now i need to brainwash myself to start loving my books and my studying. ok. 1, 2,3 begin.....


i love my books i love to study i love my books i love to study
i love my books i love to study i love my books i love to study


Aside from that, Singapore Idol yesterday was exceedingly disappointing. after all those try outs u'd think that they'd be some form of a talent. Guess again. They weren't. All they were were people whose skins were thick enough to believe that they're really good enough to actually compete.Don't get me wrong, that is the necessary first step, to start believing in yourself.. but here, i don't think so. it seems more like those without the talent( or rather, those without the real abilities and talents) decided to try out, as with most cases - like miss Singapore... i seriously don't understand why all those beautiful girls i see when i go out don't try for it. And i end up seeing a whole new sort of 'beauty' on television. Not that they all aren't talented or beautiful. They are. just that those who really really are are just either not there or exist in such small numbers, that there is literally nothing to watch. Sigh. guess Singapore seems to have a completely different population. And all those on TV can do is leave me cringing in the wake of their butchering up most of my favourite songs* boils*. Ah wellx. guess thats why i'm pissed with them. The last thing i want is to hear some of my favourite songs being blasted on tv by some amatuer who can't express or even sing it right( and by this i mean correct key and pitch). *mutter mutter* Singapore idol? yup. thats right. Singapore is idle.


+ nothing but the complicated rantings of a simple little girl

The repellant effect

Odd. just feel odd. oddly detached from everyone else i know nowadays. all i've been doing lately is hanging around, feeling like i don't belong anywhere, or with anyone. I do have all my friends, but they come from such a wide range of different groups, and yet i don't particularly fit into any one of them. My conversation with daph yesterday probably sparked off this series of revelatons, but its true. Somehow or other, the people who i thought would always always stay in contact with me, who had promise that they would have seemed to have drifted off. We seem all to have so much to do, so much else to deal with that the old friends lay forgotten at the back of your minds, and when you finally do get a chance to meet up, the truckloads that you thought you had to say to that person has just disappeared. I'm not saying that there isn't anything to say to each other - there just seems to be minimal conversation. Even in school, everyone else seems to have so much of a life outside( i have one too), that relations here don't necessarily carry on after school. Everything seems to be so superficial, i feel like i'm just staring through this window, part of the external scenery, but not really belonging in the scene thats displayed before me i miss my old friends, and i do feel hurt by the invisible wall that seems to have sprung up in between us, but that doesn't mean its the end of the story. No matter what, i'll keep my promise. I'll be there for you guys anytime, anywhere. You can count on that.

*~The girl outside the window peers into the house through the frosted glass panes

The girl outside the window

Ok. these are probably the rantings of an idiot worrying a mite to early, but i guess its mainly because of my decision, or rather the making of it that results as such. I got asked whether or not i should take an s-paper, and frankly, i am flattered by it. I talked to my mom about it, and she thinks i should. yet i dunno. i'm starting to wonder whether or not i can actually cope with all that. I mean, if i can good, but well. i don't know. ir eally really don't know. arts u only need one s-paper, but lit is pretty heavy reading... 3 additional lit texts... at least i get to choose it, but still... aargh aargh. i'm seriously tearing my hair out cos of this. pffffbt. help. i need help. serious help. *flops down on bed face first*

*~ and the wheels on the bus go round and round

Dilemma dilemma

Urgh. i can't stand it. my nose has just about run around the world and bacxk. yeesh. i feel horrible, my throat feels like i've got hamsters running up and down inside of it, and i dun feel the least bit normal. yeesh. uts disgusting. i fel disgusting. bleargh. serves me right i guess, for feigning it. still, this was like instant. *bam*. thats how fast my germs attack me. now i can't stop sneezing. its like, i'm infected with a sneezing powder or smthg.. someone pleeeease rescue me. as in serously. pulverise me. i need it

*~ My reality has just about become a lifetime of sneezes. a-tish-ooo!!!

when your lies turn into a reality

Urgh, I am stressed. stressed beyond my possible limits. I keep thinking that i ain't doing enough, that i'm falling short of the expectations that everyone seems to have placed on me, as well as those i've set on myself. Its getting annoying. I can't seem to get where i'm supposed to, can't seem to finish what i think i know how to do. Everything seems like a shot thrown far off the court.
*~ if only things could turn out right for just one moment


Yet at the same time, i find it so difficult to place myself at a right pace to start work. I need a break, just a day where i don't study, don't even think a iota about my work. I need to breathe. Just one day in my life, thats all i ask. Yet i don't know whether even that will be allowed to me. My head is in such a knotted state, i'm seriously wondering if i can actually survive the untangling sequence. Maybe i'm pushing myself too hard, maybe i'm expecting too much of myself, but the fact that i can't do anything is pretty obvious.


I miss the days when life was simple, when school was just about playing and having fun ( if it ever did, but i think this goes waay back to kindergarden). I miss the good old days when life was just a differrent experience with each step that i took, with each door that i opened. Perhapsat that point in time, i was young and ignorant, and was satisfied purely by the chance to explore every nook and cranny around me. But at least then, learning wasn't half as bad as it is for me now. At least then, learning carried the joy that i find fading as the days wear on. Perhaps its true, true joy is only experienced to the fullest extent at our oungest years, where everything seemed to carry with it a unusual fascinating quality. Its sad to realise that it fades off when u get older, that u can no longer feel awed by the great oak tree in the garden with the sunlight filterd through its leaves, or mesmerised by the pretty effect of ripples in the water. Yet, i hope this fascination and wonderment stays in me all this while. Even if people say i'm like a child in this way, i don't really care, cos at least i see a beauty in life that they never seem be able to appreciate anymore.

Tired

I found this poem the other day, and it said a lot about why people love each other, mainly because they want to know more about someone whom they hold so dear to their heart, because they wish to form a part of the life of that person just so they could see them happy and feel happy at the same time. Guess its true, love is something inexplicable. Its hard to say why we love someone, harder to stop loving that person, be him or her a friend, family member, or someone even closer

Hardest thing not to do is to love you

Hey peepz.... Arts pep talk today was so irritating... i felt literally that i had no dignity.. the way the teachers say we dun work... perhaps its true that we didn't, but i dun like it when people discredit me like that, and that makes me irritated(extremely), and determined to prove 'em wrong... which means now i seem to have a renewed motivation. ^^ which is very good... only, if i achieve my aim this yr, i have to go afoot to look for another motivation... bah ^^;

Ah wellz.. life is as per normal, cept that i seemto be dying and crushed under PW and homework. Everything seems to be coming like at one time, i think my schedule doesn't include breathing anymore... pfffbt... that means lesser sleep for me... urgh * groans* i'm deprived enuf of my rest as it is!!!! mmph. i shall be extremely puerile and juvenile and say that teachers are crazy, and the schools aren't anybetter. Who the hell invented the weekend with only 2 days anyway? its better to have 3... only, i just realised that that means a higher workload.... dang. I guess i'll never get out of it... pffffbt. somebody kill me. thats the only only way i'll get to rest for an indefinite period of time. whoopee.

*~ Stay on top of all things. its the only way to avoid getting crushed until the ball starts to roll and u fall under too

Perpetual slackism

For some strange reason today, i really really missed you. Don't ask me why it happened, i haven't really the faintest idea. I just did. Guess it told me that 6 weeks was really really a long period of time, but still, i'm wishing and praying that it speed past, so that it won't make me feel so empty anymore.
*~ u always complete my picture and my life.

Apart from that, ireally dun understand why i'm so excessively tired today. Tired. just tired. It took almost all the energy that i had to sustain myself through one period of Lit, one of my favourite subjects on the planet. Urgh. Somethings wrong with my head, and i just can't place my finger on it. pfffbt. Strange though, today, even with miss k yelling her head off at us, i really really felt as if she cared.

+ one step away from oblivion +

Missing you

haha... chanced upon this poem the other day, and thought it totally rocked ^^v. its a satire. it had me laughing about it so vry badly, i couldn't stop, but then again, nowadays, its pretty normal for me *smirks*. anyhow, here it is...

Song of the devil

Ever since observation taught me temptation
Is a matter of timing, i've tried
To clothe my fiction, in up-to-date diction,
The contemporary jargon of Pride.
I can reacall when, to win the more
Obstinate round,
The best bet was to say to them:"Sin the more
That Grace may abound."


Since social Psychology replaced Theology
The process goes twice as quick.
If conscience is a tender and loth to surrender
I have only to whisper: "You're sick!"
Puritanical moraliy
Is madly Non-U:
Enhance your personality
With a Romance, with two

"if you pass up a dame, you've yourself to blame,
For shame is neurotic, so snatch!
All rules are too formal, they are abnormal,
For any desire is natch.
So take your proper share, man, of
Dope and drink:
Aren't you the Chairman of
Ego,Inc?

"Free-Will is a mystical myth as statistical
Methods have objectively shown,
Afad of the Churches: since the latest researches
Into Motivation it's known
That Honour is hypocrisy
Honesty a joke.
You live in a Democracy
Lie like other folk.

"Since men are like goods, what are shouldn'ts or shoulds
When yout the Leading Brand?
LEt them all drop dead, you are way ahead,
Beat them up if they dare to demand
What may your intention be,
Or what you might ensue:
There's a difference of dimension be-
tween the rest and you.

"If in the scrimmage of business your image
Should ever tarnish or stale,
Public Relations can take it or make it
Shine like a Knight of the Grail.
You can mark up the price that you sell ar, if
Your package has glamour and show:
Values are relative.
Dough is dough.

"So let each while you may think you're more O.K.,
More yoyself than anyone else,
Till you find that you're hooked, your goose is cooked
And you're only a cypher of Hell's.
Believe while you can that I'm proud of you,
Enjoy your dream:
I'm so bored with the whole f***ing crowd of you
I could scream!"

W.H. Auden

*~mmmmmm.... devilish.....

Song of the devil

Simply normal. Thats all i can say about life. which is good.
*~Normality really, is such an abnormality nowadays, .
Then again, there's nothing better than indulging in an ice cream once in a while, even if i use it as an anti-depressant most if the time, i still eat it when i'm happy. Which is good, and bad, cos it means, that it can get fattening ^^. still. no harm done. will eat it anyway. *grin*

So yep, happy with my normal normal life, happy that there's sun today and happy that i have a pile of work to clear. At the same time, still wishing for the rain to fall on a pe day, stilll wishing for the time to slow down so it won't take my breath away. Still waiting around for that day of absolute freedom, still standing in the sweet soft breezes that flit around and tickle you when the sun gets too hot. Still bouncing around in the middle of nowhere feeling absolute delight, still believing chocolate is the best remedy to any problem thats in my life. Yup, the normal-ness of life is one of the sweetest tastes u can ever ever find. I hope i never miss out on these bits and pieces in life, everyone seems to be rushing around too much to notice things around them and with them but maybe, its just me being too free and seeing things that only i believe are there. *shrug*

Normalithic

ah wellz, finally decided to move my blogging over here, mainly cos i wanted a change, but nvm. Guess me being tired of being so tied down template wise. Thought i'd like some new space to breathe and let go. Anyhowz, had a great time playing at the arcade anyway, besides the fact that i proved myself to be both a nut and a dim wit at the same time ... not my fault they dun tell u where to look. Sigh. Didn't get to play pool yesterday tho, so yep, bit happier about the arcade and bishi bashi, tho i hit till my palms hurt, and didn't really get anywhere... pfffbt

*~breaking away from the common flow gives u the chance to breathe

just a day out and away